She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
