Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
