i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize