operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
