you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities