I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?