i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...