Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.