Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
