My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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