my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
