I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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