Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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