Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
