Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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