I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
