The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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