i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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