Don't make out with my wife yet
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
