ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
