i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
