Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
