i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
