so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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