I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
