Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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