Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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