I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
