she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize