you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
