Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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