What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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