i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....