If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed