Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!

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  (248): Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy! http://tfl.nu/x7i6
  Replies (4) Good night (2075) Bad night (1186)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I only kidnapped one of them. chill

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  (205): I only kidnapped one of them. chill http://tfl.nu/ogw5
  Replies (10) Good night (2972) Bad night (686)
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  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1336) Bad night (11404)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?

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  (978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl? http://tfl.nu/dwko
  Replies (47) Good night (5540) Bad night (830)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?

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  (780): I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots? http://tfl.nu/1jdo
  Replies (8) Good night (1827) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.

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  (928): I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on. http://tfl.nu/43cf
  Replies (5) Good night (1362) Bad night (530)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.

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  (314): I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use. http://tfl.nu/hohz
  Replies (2) Good night (1198) Bad night (714)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.

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  (215): hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges. http://tfl.nu/xi1h
  Replies (3) Good night (1469) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!

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  (479): I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning! http://tfl.nu/musz
  Replies (12) Good night (1548) Bad night (526)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?

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  (860): I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that? http://tfl.nu/7o3y
  Replies (10) Good night (1440) Bad night (465)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.

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  (712): He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge. http://tfl.nu/wcqn
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night

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  (702): we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night http://tfl.nu/elak
  Replies (7) Good night (1022) Bad night (290)
• Favorite

  (331): View more from Illinois

  Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!

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  (331): Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws! http://tfl.nu/1f2r
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face

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  (631): It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face http://tfl.nu/ptuh
  Replies (7) Good night (341) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can

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  (630): It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help (630): My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help (630): This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can http://tfl.nu/n0mf
  Replies (2) Good night (569) Bad night (300)

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