I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party