Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.