Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**

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(972): **i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS** http://tfl.nu/fjtm

Replies (58) Good night (1887) Bad night (4375)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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(609): I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick. http://tfl.nu/i44q

Replies (34) Good night (4749) Bad night (839)
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(254): View more from Texas

Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced

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(254): Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced http://tfl.nu/tkdm

Replies (8) Good night (3965) Bad night (574)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.

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(678): Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans. http://tfl.nu/jpyk

Replies (32) Good night (8746) Bad night (1078)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you

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(780): I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you http://tfl.nu/csm9

Replies (6) Good night (877) Bad night (3457)
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(714): View more from California

I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.

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(714): I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later. http://tfl.nu/riev

Replies (17) Good night (2054) Bad night (2463)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?

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(508): wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer? http://tfl.nu/zgl0

Replies (11) Good night (1389) Bad night (862)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.

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(860): Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide. http://tfl.nu/fj39

Replies (6) Good night (1520) Bad night (602)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

What if our hands were octopus tentacles?

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

You're an idiot.

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(662): What if our hands were octopus tentacles? (1-662): You're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/2n3l

Replies (17) Good night (2464) Bad night (787)
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(631): View more from New York

She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat

(1-631): View more from New York

I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness

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(631): She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat (1-631): I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness http://tfl.nu/blnl

Replies (4) Good night (1205) Bad night (613)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.

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(610): So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house. http://tfl.nu/bt1m

Replies (16) Good night (1637) Bad night (648)
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(810): View more from Michigan

So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.

(989): View more from Michigan

this is the most serious roommate agreement ever

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(810): So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way. (989): this is the most serious roommate agreement ever http://tfl.nu/m5zb

Replies (5) Good night (1561) Bad night (409)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.

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(423): I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT. http://tfl.nu/s23s

Replies (3) Good night (830) Bad night (388)
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(207): View more from Maine

She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.

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(207): She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head. http://tfl.nu/qg4m

Replies (0) Good night (613) Bad night (345)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up

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(617): We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up http://tfl.nu/o2ud

Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (361)

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