nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.