If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection