When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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