make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you had me at cake vodka
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
