They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
