3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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