I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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