I bet he comes in French.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
