I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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