call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
