Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
