I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
