He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
