Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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