We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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