Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
