I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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