This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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