I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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