That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
