So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
