My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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