Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
