I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
