I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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