do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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