looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
