I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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