Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
