Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
