and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
