Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
