i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
