Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
