You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize