Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
