I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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