Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.