a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now