my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.