I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
